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Health: Dealing with grief

Dealing with grief

I'm sure someone who will read my story tonight has experienced losing a loved one or perhaps someone you were close to in your life. It is by far the most horrible thing in our lives that we have to face!
I have experienced this,about five years ago i lost my husband to Colon Cancer! He had just turned 50! It was very sudden and came with no warning till the end. I remember it being the most sad and difficult time for me and our children. I remember never leaving his bedside and praying for a big miracle so this would not happen! But unfortunately "God" had his own plan and desired that heaven needed a special angel!!
I remember after everyone left within days of his buriel,it was so very hard. Nothing could prepare me for days,months,years ahead. I quickly realized our children all had to go return to thier lives,(which thats of course what we wanted them to do!) But then that left me all alone in our beautiful home that we had just recently remodeled,memories every single place i turned! It was absolutle heart wrenching for me!
I soon realized that life did not give us an instruction manual on how to grieve. I didn't know how to heal our hurt and how i was ever going to be able to live with this grief inside my heart that was breaking! I felt like i had a bad sore that just would never heal. I have a very strong faith and i prayed constantly for god to help me through this. All i wanted is for my life to be the way it was before! Grief interupts our lives ,both force us to have to change. I realized from that point on my life would be different for ever.
With grief came all these feeling's and emotions. I got so angry! (Even at my poor husband whom had no control at all in leaving us!) Then i felt guilty for feeling that way! I even questioned God? And like i shared earlier i have a very strong faith but i wanted answers on wy this happened to me and my family,grief makes you feel like your the only one on earth going through this. Then you feel depressed and your heart everyday feels like its going to explode with pain! I ate,slept,and woke up with pain!
Then i remember the next phase "Fear"! I remember it hit me in my gut ,oh my goodness i could go next! What will my grown children and our first grandbabies do without me!? All these thoughts went rushing through my head. I began to realize i was so afraid! But then as much time passed and so much prayer i began to thank god for the time we did have with him and we knew he wasn't hurting,suffering anymore he was at peace with god! He was in a much better place. I soon also realized all this grief and feelings were about me being selfish,scared,i missed him so much i can't even descibe for you! I knew i was lonely and i wanted him back!
I came way later in my grief to know that i had to feel everyone of these steps all the buckets of tears and massive hurt to move foreward in a healthy way! I knew later that grief was so important for me to experience! And as we are moving on in life with past christmases and holidays,birthdays,new births,a movie with friends that all of a sudden makes us laugh out loud for the first time,a luncheon with a friend without feeling guilty and lots of time goes by and we wake up one day (never ever forgetting our loved one and always having those precious memories engraved in our heart!!) But realize we are being healed a little at a time!
And even though iv'e came through all my grief, and iv;e moved on with life and so have our children (all doing good!) I still will always have the ups and downs,good moments those bad,sad days but when they come around i can now pay tribute to the wonderful love we shared by laughing and living each day of my life with as much joy and happiness i can! I know this is what he would want for me and our children.
I know my ability to enjoy life does not measure our loss. But the quality of my relationship with my husband that passed is found in our strength,and our ability to find and create a new life that is happy and is meaningful!
I hope if any of my readers that reads this has experienced a loss of a loved one that this will help you and your families deal a little easier with your grief. I thank God everyday for step by step day by day helping me with mine and allowing me to be living such a wonderful life that i'm sharing with my amazing husband now! I recently got married and have a great companion to share my future with along with our children and my grandchildren! And allow me please to leave each of you with one last bit of advice; Cherish every second you have with your families,give your wife or husband everyday a kiss and tell them you love them along with huge hugs and kisses for your children because if thier is one thing i share often with people is life is so very short!!!

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